Worst/funniest auditions? – as Auditor and Auditee

Question:

Ooo I thought of another one. Once we hired a new guitarist for a 4 pc. rock band I was in. This new guy seemed pretty good at first but then he wasn’t learning any of the songs. Every time at practice we’d give him a tape of songs to learn for the next practice and he’d never learn any of them. He’d come to practice and start that "lets just jam" shit, god I hate those lets just jam guys. We were a working band and wanted to get back on the road and you gotta know the songs to do that. After about 4 weeks of this we stopped half way through practice and sat him down for a talk. We bitched him out for not learning the songs and told him this crap had to stop or we’d get someone else. He looked like he was gong to cry so we took a break and he said he was going to 7-11 at the corner to get a Big Gulp and took off on his bike. We waited and waited and he never came back. All his gear was sitting there, a Les Paul clone, a Fender combo amp, his mic & effects. We tried to call him for several days and got no answer. We replaced him and tried to call him to come get his stuff and his phone was disconnected. The other guitar player whose house we were at still has his stuff to this day, and that was over 15 years ago. I don’t know what happened to him, my vote is for alien abduction.

Response:

> Sometimes, you think you have this place and its denizens nailed, and then > up pops something that tells you everything you know is wrong… > Glenn D. > No, really, it’s THAT bad. > Cockroaches, a FAT woman covered with scabs, her having an epileptic fit > on the hood of my car, in a trailer park in Jacksonville, FL.

You know, sometimes I just shouldn’t ask questions I don’t really want to know the answer to. Dude, where are those photos? Glenn D.

Response:

> Dude, where are those photos?

Burned into my subconscious. —   O< "Happy Carnival!" /()   ^^

Response:

Well, there was the guy who turned out more to be looking for a backup band for his own originals than to join a band.  And the cat hissed at him when he arrived and went to walk past her… …and the drummer that thought the song we played for him sounded too complicated (it was in 4/4)… …and the guitarist who asked me what I tuned to.  I said E, he decided that was awfully high.  He seemed to be at around Eb, so I just transposed through the audition.  He didn’t get to come back either… — –Llarry Amrose "I did not go to his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it." — Mark Twain

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok – what’s your worst or funniest/strangest audition experience either > auditioning others or being auditioned? One of the most unbelievable ones > I’ve had was a woman who wanted me to pay for child care and a taxi to and > from the rehearsal space so she could audition for the band I was in at the > time. > It’s one of the few times I actually laughed in someone’s face and she got > quite indignant and threatened not to audition. Oh dear me; of course I’ll > pay for everything. NOT.. > Of course there’s all the times you’re expecting just one muso and he shows > up with his wife/girlfriend/buddy/whatever who plays > Keys/Sax/Trombone/Congas/Tambourine/Sings/whatever and wants you to audition > themas well. > Thump

Response:

A somewhat chunky female singer auditioned for my band a few years ago. She was the daughter of our guitarist’s wife’s boss, and worked at the same business as his wife. "Pam" was a decent singer, but we found and hired sombody better (and better looking, but that was secondary). The next work day after hearing she wasn’t hired, Pam began leaving our band’s website up on her computer so that our guitarist’s wife could see. She copped a major attitude and began saying things under her breath. "So they hired a prettier singer, huh?" We were later hired by Pam’s mother to play a party she was catering. Pam was there, so we asked if she wanted to do a song or two. She declined due to a runny nose or something lame like that. A few months later the new singer announced she was leaving. I put an announcement on our sight saying that we’re looking for a new singer. Next morning at work our site is on her computer again. Pam announces, "So, the pretty one didn’t work out. That’s oo bad." My band’s site: www.strongerthandirt.com

Response:

cool hearing all these stories! My band’s auditioning guitarists on Thursday so may have some stories to add.

Response:

Ok, I’ll bite… Had a fairly decent band in a middlin’ sized town… played some cool shows, and as often as we wanted, for decent cash.  Four piece band.. two git-fiddles, bass and drums.  All four of us "sang"… and the quotes belong there… trust me! Played mostly 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s covers… lots of Southern Rock ("Freebird!") and the like. Rhythm guitarist breaks up with girlfriend… dunh dunh dunh!  And moves 9 states away. Sawed off little twerp. So we’s starts lookin’ fer a new git-fiddler.  In comes Bob (his real name). Bob used to play in a band with my old man, and I know he’s a head case, so I’m creeping into the corner as far as I can.  We flit through about a dozen tunes, and he’s getting more and more agitated. I mentioned we were looking for a RHYTHM guitarist, right?  Well, that’s cuz the ego of our LEAD guitarist wasn’t about to allow ANOTHER lead player in the band!  So Bob, a pretty horrible but egotistical guitarist in his own right, is getting more pissed off every time he DOESN’T get to play a lead. So, he asks if we know "Rockin’ in the Free World" by Neil Young.  And of course, it’s our big set ender of the night.  And he wants to screech, I mean, sing it.  And he wants the first solo. Oh no.  I’m becoming one with the wall in the basement now… That "solo" lasted 20 minutes, and was absolutely torturous.  I have NO idea why we let it go on… and on… and on. But, we finish the song. Bob unstraps his guitar and says "I just wanted to show you what a killer guitarist you aren’t getting.  No way I’d join this band." whew…. dodged THAT bullet!  We DID find another guitarist, but not until we’d been through every has been loser that wasn’t currently in a band. Corey

Response:

I played in a band; was guiatrist in that time; and there was another guitarist; a drummer and a bassist. So we were looking for a singer. After put an adds in a local newspaper; we had 4 singers to audition. Two of them didn’t win the race; but i remember especially of the two others. One wanted to play rythm n blues and soul. We said "ok, we will try" so he arrived; and we started: "what do you sing ?" "James brown". "ok let’s start with sex machine ?" "ok" and he sang with a really good "overdrive"; really goos interpretation of James Brown. Second tune" dock of the bay" from Otis Redding. and he started to sing, with the same James Brown thing… and same at the first tune… "What do you think for a good repertory ?" " 90 per cent of James Brown cover and one or two other song where the James Brown voice can work"…… ok next…. The second was the more mannered guy i never saw. he comes with a friend of him, who was his "agent" !! (it was a totally hobbying band; and the guy was a hobbying singer) And after each tune we played; he turned to his friend and ask "have i been good ? how do you feel it ?" and the second guy, antipathic as possible it was respond "yes you SING man. Just a better attention on this, that, ….."…. Like it was his coach !!!! Well the guy had a "hobbying" level; nothing extraordinary; but his friend tell us we don’t play well enough for him; HIS singer could’nt sing properly cause of our playing……. ouarf ouarf ouarf !!!! next …… this ephemeral band falled down without singer; but with auditions which make me laugh still today     basst

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